dayamn.com

Like a lot of movie lovers I was anxiously waiting for “The day the earth stood still” movie to come to theatres so I could delight my eyes with it.

I didn’t watch the movie on the premiere day because theatres are full, selfish people always answer their cell phones and I’m always “so lucky” to sit next to some Don LaFontaine wannabe narrating the movie as we see it like we are all as dumb as he is so we need a description in order to understand what we’re watching.

So I waited until yesterday, I prepared myself for what was going to come. I woke up kind of early, took a shower, shaved so I looked “cute” even when that doesn’t matter when you’re sitting in a dark room full of people focusing only in what’s on the screen, and the most important thing, I blocked myself from reading any review so my unbiased perspective of the movie remained intact.
The so awaited moment came, and I was happy in the company of my two best friends: A large coke and a big box of popcorn

After 1 hour and 37 minutes I couldn’t believe what my eyes just saw. One thought was smashing every part of my skull making me feel a small headache: DAYAMN! WHAT A LAME MOVIE!

I don’t know how to put it, it’s just that I stared at the screen for an hour and a half and my angry feelings were growing as I was watching what an insult to humankind that movie actually was.
I mean, honestly, a ship travels across the solar system at an incredible speed and lands in Manhattan. What should we do? Let’s shoot the dude that’s coming out of it! That should do the job!
Are we that stupid? Would we place a target in our heads by shooting a dude that would destroy us all just by crashing its ship against our planet? I don’t think so!

I think that in that kind situation we only have two options:
1. Play dead.
2. Play stupid.

The only thing we could do is to kiss their feet and beg for them to teach us how to develop their propulsion system so that we don’t have any other economical crisis when the greedy bastards that own the oil wells feel like stealing more money out of our pockets.

“You invaded our air space” Pfffffff please! He violated the whole solar system and, could we do something about it? OBVIOUSLY NOT!

If the dude wants to talk with the world leaders and you don’t want him to get close so he can’t do any harm give him one of those cute cell phones (like the Nokia N97) and do a videoconference call for Christ’s sakes! Open a hotmail account for him (klaatu2008@hotmail.com) so he can log in msn messenger and chat with them if you don’t want him to see the guys. I think that being the secretary of defence of the USA can give you some options to fulfill that simple request.

Jaden, I loved you on “The pursuit of happiness” because you stood for your dad when he was in real trouble but I just wanted to spank your spoiled ass for the way you behaved the whole movie. I don’t even know how Keanu got touched by “the love between you and your mom” if everything I saw was you ignoring and disrespecting her. If I were in Klaatu’s shoes I would have incinerated the whole place and evaporated every single trace of a race that can be that hideous and ungrateful.

Jennifer, you’re so beautiful, I love you, and I would love you even if you were willing to tint your gorgeous hair and do another sequel of “Legally Blonde”.

Keanu, so sorry for you man. NO ONE would have been able to pull off something good out of a bad role in a SO BORING movie, although I’m starting to doubt about your sane judgement when it comes to pick movie roles. Maybe you didn’t read the script before signing to do a poor remake of a sci-fi classic.

Well, after this disappointing experience I’ll just pray that if someday we get a visitor from outer space and takes the time to park its ship instead of disintegrating everybody like in “War of the worlds” we give him some flowers instead of a gun shot.